Life

Why is life so hard to live?

When I’m with her life is easy then when I’m alone I just sit crying, I dont know what’s wrong with me.

Tomorrow I’ve got to go with one of my friends to get his MRI scan results on his cancer and I’m dreading it, I am struggling to cope, people are trying to cause trouble with my relationship and work is stressing me because they are making me work ridiculous hours. This is killing me and I dont know what to do.

I’ve basically got no family and I dont want to talk to my friends or girlfriend about anything as they have alot of things going off and I just don’t think its fair on them, this is all just hard, sick of trying to be strong for everyone! I can’t even stay strong for myself anymore.

What’s happening?

I’m here thinking everything is ok, when in actual fact I dont know if it is. I dont know whether my partner still has feelings for her ex or not, apparently not but she would run to her if something happened, it might be me just over thinking but I dont even know what to feel never made about what to think.

My best friend wants me to get rid of my cat and the truth is, I dont want to, I love her to pieces, she was here with me when I had no one else, shes my baby!

I feel so alone that I dont know what to do, I want to tell my girlfriend I feel like this but I feel it would upset or hurt her which is the last thing I wanna do! My dear friend has cancer and I’m so worried about him, my family doesn’t want to know, I dont think I am strong enough to keep pushing my head up high because that is exhausting.

I need to carry on, I can’t not because if I give up, who is there to keep everyone together and in line and making sure they dont go off the rails?

The Struggles

Days get harder, nights get longer, I struggle to look at myself in the mirror and smile at what I see, I look at the people who were with me throughout my suicide attempt and It made me realize who’s important, I feel like every time I dont feel right I am letting them down in some way.

I’ve always been the girl that hides behind a smile no matter how much everything hurts, I can no longer stay strong for myself anymore, I’m staying strong for my girlfriend and my best friend! Its not about me, I can’t hurt the 2 people I love the most in this world!